Haute · Shit

I just want to say something: JUST BECAUSE I ENJOY LOOKING AT/COLLECTING/SMELLING WILDFLOWERS DOES NOT MAKE ME SOFT, A SISSY OR A GIRL.

Thank you.

UGH.

Damnit. My Italian leather shoes! RUINED! By cow droppings!

UGH!

I can't believe I didn't SEE it! I stepped in it and it's all over my shoes and they are RUINED and I'll never be able to wear them again!

Why the hell did the police decide hiding out in Chin, Alberta was a good thing? ON AN ACREAGE NO LESS. I can only hear cows! All I smell is shit! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE SEVERE LACK OF PLACES TO PURCHASE THINGS. Lethbridge doesn't count. It's like the size of my old neighbourhood! Where are the designer stores?! HOW DO YOU PEOPLE LIVE LIKE THIS?!!

Ohgod. It's only been four days and I am losing my mind.

No, no. I must be strong. It's not ALL bad... I mean, with the sex and all. Plenty of that, and it's wonderful, but I can't be having sex ALL the time. D'Arcy says I need a "hobby". I told him to fuck off. He just laughed at me. :(

OHGOD will those cows never shut up? The owner of this acreage takes care of them, thank god, but they're so LOUD. It was much quieter in the city.

Maybe I will look into having a hot bath. At least we have running hot water.

Alec definitely suspects that I'm back with D'Arcy. I've been followed almost constantly for the last several weeks. I'm playing dumb right now, but the truth is I'm sick of this and I'm sick of Alec. I don't want to keep doing this to D'Arcy...

I think that if anything is going to happen... Well, it's going to happen quickly. That means I have to act quickly.

So, D'Arcy. How do you feel about leaving with me for a while?

Before I say anything else, I want to apologize to D'Arcy. You're better off without me but like hell I'll let you go.

A lot has happened. I feel safe writing about it here thank god. Alec doesn't know I have this (I think). D'Arcy found out the truth about me basically. It wasn't pretty and it was entirely my fault. I probably should have been honest with him from the beginning... Heh, don't people always say that? I guess I know why now.

Alec... He was..."pressuring" me to... to stop seeing D'Arc. Which was impossible. Long story short, I was excessively cruel to D'Arcy and majorly fucked up. A bunch of shit happened, including me using my various connections to, uh, use some force against a certain ex...

I'm not ashamed of that by the way. Sorry.

Anyway... We've talked. Kind of. At least now D'Arc knows about me. The truth this time. All of it. Including how I got myself into this... I probably shouldn't have told so much in such a short amount of time. He looked a little dazed when I was finished...

Well anyhow. I'm currently debating the consequences of getting drunk. I do have to work tomorrow. Alec apparently has scheduled in several new clients for me. Says they're well-off gentlemen from a big business corporation from overseas. Great. I almost miss the days when my clients were average single guys unable to deal with their sexuality. At least I didn't feel so nasty afterwards! Some of these men have pictures of their kids in their wallets... A couple times, I've heard stories about said kids. Can you fathom how terrible it is to be on your knees- hmm. Let's not continue that.

Ah. At least they're wealthy. That means I can probably spruce up my wardrobe again. I try to see the silver lining wherever I can.

Oh, D'Arc. I wonder what you're doing right now? Not me, that's for certain. Ah. That was a joke. I'm not very good with them. Sorry.

I must say that I feel liberated suddenly! Now that he knows all about me (and he doesn't hate me - at least I think he doesn't...) I can actually... be me? I can speak freely now. It's like a huge pressure is gone. But there's still the nature of my job...

Hmmm. Perhaps a small, hard drink will do. I think I've got some chocolate in my cupboards somewhere. That'll have to be enough.

D'Arc. I miss you.

D'Arc, I hope you're in the habit of checking these journal things frequently. Since I can't seem to get a hold of you by phone (you must've turned it off I'm thinking) I just figured I would let you know this way...

I'm coming over. Tonight. In about an hour. I'm bringing popcorn-making supplies with me!

Sorry for the lack of prior notice. I only just got... Got home.

See you soon then.

Urgh, how embarrassing was that last post of mine? I mustn't ever drink that much again. especially not around D'Arcy

I've found myself extraordinarily busy lately. Yet I still managed to find time to see D'Arcy. Outside of store hours. I'm... extraordinarily pleased about that.

I wanted to ask him out again this weekend but... something has come up and I won't be... available. Hmm. I wonder if I can take a... hmm, a lunch break tomorrow... I could have lunch with D'Arcy. I know this wonderful Sushi place...

Oh, hmm, I'm hungry now. I wonder what I have to eat around here...

Oh oh shit. I seem to have lost a shoe! I had it when I got home, but where is it now? Not with the other one! How can I LOSE a shoe? I loved that shoe... One shoe just isn't the same when its partner is missing. I hope I didn't lose it outside!

My... my boss. He threw a party tonight. I, hmm, had some drinks. Lots! He had everything there I love. INCLUDING my champagne that I practically salivate for. He did it on purpose I know. Then some people showed up...

Ummm I don't think I'm supposed to be talking about this???

Oh damnit I wish I knew where my SHOE was! Maybe I'll ask the doorman. He'd know!! I bet he has it. I bet he's hiding it from me. H-haha! My shoes are... what's the word? Haute shit!

I hope D'Arcy is working tomorrow! I have plans! Plans that involve me shopping and replacing more of my wardrobe. Need to buy new shoes too apparently!

I'm so glad I can still type normal when I'm just a WEE bit tipsy! JUST A BIT! Oh, capslock is fun!

I, um, I think... I think I forgot what I had to say next? Oh, hmm, I think my sock has a hole in it...

As I was brushing my teeth this morning I noticed an odd stain on the carpet in my bedroom. I spent four and half hours this morning cleaning it. I have no idea what made that stain, but once I noticed it, well, there was no way I could just leave it there. I hate mess. Stains qualify as mess.

Probably why I can't bring myself to own a pet. Just thinking of all that pet hair and mess...

though I do get rather lonely sometimes

No rest for the wicked it seems. And no, I don't feel like elaborating on that.

I'm feeling a little parched. I think I should have some of my vegetable juice. I loathe that shit like none other, but it's so healthy for you that I force myself to drink it. Sacrifices, sacrifices...

Oh, who am I kidding. I'm going to indulge in some champagne. I don't care if it's to be saved for Christmas or New Years or some other silly holiday. I'm having some now.

Am I being spazztic I wonder? I can't help it. I have a date tomorrow. I don't know what I'm doing!

I was forced to clean out my closet again. I've got too many clothes and not enough space. I gave some clothes away, but only the ones that were dated and I never wore. So what did I do with all that new free space? Why, I went out and purchased more clothes of course! One courtesy of D'Arcy.

D'Arcy is this boy that works in this incredible store he's actually half the reason I go there. He bought me a shirt today. It's incredibly sexy and I love it. Actually, I'm wearing it right now...

Oh, and in exchange for this shirt, I agreed to meet him for drinks next Saturday. So, basically, a date.

It's been a long time since I've been on a real date. Suffice it to say I'm a nervous wreck... But more than anything I'm longing for this to happen. For it to take me somewhere...

God, listen to me. What am I saying??

Anyhow, that was the sum of my day.